In The Christmas Spirit Once Again

There is no scrooge crushing my Christmas spirit this year. 

I used to love Christmas. I loved counting down until the special day. I loved everything about the season. In kindergarten I remember some kids taking about Santa and me telling them that Christmas was Jesus' birthday.  I remember being about six years old and going to bed at 6pm because I thought it would make Santa come sooner. December 25th was my favorite day of the year. Everything about it was perfect.

For the past few years the holidays have not been the easiest time for me. There have been lots of crazy emotions attached. The holidays just marked the end of another year for me. No one really knows this. I have just recently opened up about it, honestly I am only now realizing it for myself. I just accepted that this is the way the Christmas feels when you get older. This weekend I realized this is not true, I also realized my need to let go of my past.

It all started when I was in eighth grade. This was the worst Christmas, I would not wish it on anyone. It was a worst Christmas than the one when my mom accidentally wrapped a few empty boxes for me. My family was already having a tough time. My dad was battling really bad anxiety, to the point it controlled his life. The medicine he was on was not supposed to be mixed with alcohol. That is where it all went down hill. Life had been a living nightmare for a while. Then Christmas was the tip of the iceburge. Christmas seemed to be going great. It was our first Christmas in our new home and we were having good quality time. The gifts I got were everything a teenage girl could dream of. It was perfect. Then all the sudden things spiraled out of control. My dad decided to get drunk. In the blink of an eye the Christmas tree was knocked over and the police were at the house for the second time that holiday season. Later that night my dad would find himself in a mental  hospital due to all his anxiety and drinking. This devastate me and it will always be hard for me to think about because I remember it so vividly.

Before yesterday the last Christmas tree I set up was my freshman year of high school, the year after the nightmare Christmas episode. Little did we know that this would be the last traditional Christmas we would have as a family. My dad was never the same after the year before and my parents marriage began to suffer. Our lives became very different and very non-traditional. I would have to beg my family to come to Christmas Eve Service with me and to continue other small traditions. Despite my best efforts sometimes it did not work. For the first time in a while I am finally in the Christmas spirit again.

I am so thankful for my sweet roomie, Leah! That girl lives for Christmas. In her words "I'm pretty sure the only reason I'm alive is to experience Christmas for 8.2 percent of the year." She is so into them Christmas spirit. It is hard not to be in the Christmas mood when you are around her. She pulled me out of my slump. I even started singing some Christmas songs before Thanksgiving. I am a day after Thanksgiving kind of a girl. You bet the day after Thanksgiving I started to get lit. I am so happy to have my Christmas Tree up and I even turned on a fire Christmas playlist. I have not listened to Christmas music in a long time. I am so stoked to have the most LIT Christmas in along time.

If you are out there and not really feeling the holidays you are not alone. Whether you have just lost a family member, experienced a break up, or maybe you are like me and you have bad memories from Christmas in the past. My friend it is ok. Jesus is still on the throne. I challenge you to cling to the fact that your savior was born on Christmas Day and meditate on that. Rest in HIM and HIS goodness.

P.S  No Matter what, I want to encourage, be an accountability partner to you, pray, and befriend you. I am on social media as @406_jourd on Instagram and @jourdynMack101 on Twitter, give me a follow and feel free to DM me anytime. If you ever need prayer or someone to talk to email me, jourdynpuppies@gmail.com, don't laugh it is from fourth grade and I stuck with it. 



P.P.S Want to see more encouraging posts? I used to write for Odyssey Online, so if you want to see more check out the link below.

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